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within minutes i felt it. colors became very warm. so did my blood. a kind of calm panic came over me. it felt exactly like it feels when the L is really strong. thats the difference between a hit and getting drenched. everything became fuzzy, not in an unclear sense. this primary color, zero's and ones digital fuzziness. all the edges, all the surfaces had very fine concentric lines, i could see every layer of energy between everything and myself - everything was breathing. Lo's eyes became black holes. not scary, just endless blackness. He went to the lobby with no shoes on. this quickly flowed into what i would characterize as liquid geometry. infinite symmetric shapes with hard, definite edges and points yet that seem to float and bend like water, Ive always interpreted this interplay/dichotomy as the true expression of our reality...the universe. A reality that equally rarely, we aren't aware of or choose not to acknowledge. for this brief moment, although overwhelmed with fear, I was mesmerized by the visuals. they were extraordinary. this is where the analog and digital meet. the cosmos and the matrix blend together in an indescribably beautiful way. If only it ended there.

I kept shooting into outer space at light speed though. Its worth pointing out that when your perception is so affected that what you see and hear is so detached from what you know to be "reality" you REALLY start to question reality. In fact you start to heavily doubt everything you've ever believed. its a fear that paralyzes. In these situations, having people around you that you love and trust is paramount to keeping your sanity. Forever grateful.

my concept of time also became very distorted. The journey was so psychologically demanding that seconds stretched into hours, days to years. not uncommon in these scenarios. i soon found myself at the center of the most eternal struggle between good and evil/survival and destruction. the greatest test of will and strength I've ever known.

all of my energy I used to fight off the darkness. to fight off the schizophrenia.

While i was trapped in between every infinite possibility and dimension, i was also part of all of them. this sensation, in no uncertain terms, was... fucking insane. while subject to this brutal incarceration, i was also able to manipulate this multiverse. for moments god like powers seemed to be within my minds grasp.

i could, in ways, affect all the energy around me. my soul had made a psychotic pitstop in between cosmic channels that i was sure would last forever. like my brain was the tracking fuzz on an old tv screen that splits the static from the top and bottom half. i wasn't here. i wasn't anywhere. but i was everywhere. all time and space whizzing by me all the while at eternities per second.

i went far beyond death. i would've welcomed death in the face of such unending cerebral overdrive.

i was saying my goodbyes, looking back on my life, lamenting regrets, of which - this was my greatest.

I was holding on to those that i loved as if i was standing in the face of a mushroom cloud... a nuclear explosion that doesn't kill you. TIME. its always time


from Merchants Of Death, released July 4, 2017



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Ancelmo James New York

Ancelmo James is a bassist
song writer
He makes original music. He lives in Brooklyn NY. His primary project aside from solo work is playing bass and synth in Quickly Quietly. Ancelmo also plays bass in Sweetcane ... more

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